Things I recently learned from various people, after living away for 30 years.
I don't know how to drive.
I don't know how to pump gas.
I don't know the way to the night clubs.
I don't know how to get out of a parking lot.
I don't know how to read a map.
I don't know how to take medications.
I don't know how to put my groceries away.
I drive after drinking too much.
I'm drunk even when I don't drink.
I'm drunk even when I haven't had enough to get drunk.
It's OK for drunk people get upset if I take their car keys. Then it's OK to constantly go around telling people they think I'm drunk.
I don't know how to compute blood alcohol levels.
Beer, whiskey and wine aren't similar in total alcohol volume. I was wrong.
Adding soda to whiskey does reduce the volume of alcohol content. I was wrong.
I lie about my childhood experiences.
I lie about my military experiences.
I lie about my lifetime experiences.
The State Barn Dance never existed. My experiences there never happened.
Granddaddy didn't have chickens.
I should hide money and lie about it.
I don't speak German.
I'm not a Commisioned Officer.
A Chief Warrant Officer is not a Commisioned Officer.
I'm not the only one in our family to ever be Commissioned in the Regular Army.
I was not appointed a Commisioned Officer with the rank of Captain in the Georgia State Militia as an Aviation Offiser.
I lied about flying a Cobra in Viet Nam.
9/11 wasn't going to happen.
I wasn't good at basketball in school. The coach did not try to get me on the team.
My teachers did not try to get my mother to allow them to skip me ahead in school.
I should base my opinions on hearsay or rumor.
I was not Class President at the United States Army Aviation School.
I should base my decisions on anecdotal evidence.
I did not test out of most of my high school and college courses.
Just because I show someone where a place is, it does't mean I know where it is.
I shouldn't attempt adult humor around older adults.
Other people are smarter and wiser than me. They have more training and experience than I have. They have broader and more intensive experiences than I have. I should follow their orders.
Warts and superstition don't make one afraid of frogs. Attempts to prove frogs won't hurt you is what makes one afraid.
My business didn't fail because I was out sick for two years, It failed because I am stupid.
I can't hear good.
People don't kill people, guns kill people. (Don't tell the President. He will take my medals and give them to my guns).
The Army manages by directives.
My mom was not married 5 times.
I wanted to marry a Korean girl.
I am hardheaded. Duh. That one I already knew. In the Army we call it a valuable leadership trait. You have to be hardheaded to survive combat or to be a leader of men.
I do not associate with some people in public because I am childish.
Wow, so much to learn. I hope I can remember it all. I can't wait untill they tell all my new new friends how much I have learned.
I should have learned more than I have. Some of these things, like navigating to the same old simple places, or how to take aspirin, have been pounded into my head over and over and over again, even in front of others. I guess I am a slow learner.
This reminds me of how I learned about Viet Nam. When I returned from Viet Nam in 1970, a nieghbor came over and told me all about it.